I am a thirty-one year old married mother to four precious gift's from God. God blessed me (in abundance) with a string of children. We have four kids under the age of six... All single births (all passed through my who-ha). I was pregnant or nursing for almost 5 years straight, and I ain't been right since. They say having a child changes a person. I say, having four children (six and under) changes your profundity (go ahead look it up). From time to time (while driving) I have moments of "deep thoughts." You know the kind of thoughts that Jack Handy (from SNL) might have. Okay, I can't say that they are all that deep, but they are thoughts...
- If back in the day when people lived on farms and rode in wagons... and lived acres apart... If they went to the barn to milk a cow, they didn't take their four kids to the barn with them, right? How come I gotta strap all four of my kids into this mini-van just to go get a quart of milk a block away?
- Sometimes I feed the babies bowls of dry cereal (Reese's Puffs) and place the bowl on the floor for a snack... Why am I surprised when they are eating out of the dog bowl?
- Why do my kids poop in unison? Did they make a Poopy Pact?
"Nobody goes until we all go."
"The first rule of Poop Club is, we don't talk about Poop Club."
"All for one and all for number two."
"Okay, here she comes... on three."
"Let's wait until we are all dressed and ready to go. No, I got it! Lets wait until right in the middle of dinner!"
- Big, bigger, biggest, big 'ole, big 'un? Is that red neck order? Starbucks has the "Venti", Circle-K has the "thirst buster", but only in the southern most parts of the U.S will you hear someone say, "Hey, get me a big'ole drank... No,naw man. The big'un over yonder."
- If I wear my Shape-up's to the fridge to get a cold piece of chocolate... doesn't it cancel out the calories of the chocolate?
-Why do my kids only want whatever the other kid has? If one is playing with a empty water bottle the other wants it. Maybe they just want what they can't have... or maybe it didn't look fun until someone else had it? I dunno... I should try laughing and dancing while cleaning their rooms. If it looks like fun they will want to do it, right? (I will let you know how this one turns out).
- I have a theory about clowns: Nothing or no one can be that happy all the time. And if they are... they are either high or mentally disturbed. Either way I'm staying the *%@# away.
- Why do perfect strangers think it is okay to ask to hold your baby? He's a person not a dog. For that matter, why do people think they can give me parenting advice in the middle of Wal-Mart? Look, I have four kids six and under with me and $300.00 worth of crap in two shopping carts... if I were you I just stay the heck away. I could go off at any moment. If you ain't here to help (and no you are not holding the baby) shut- up. As my friend Chris says, "I tend to not take advice from people wearing pj's in public at 3pm."
-I sleep on my left side most nights. Does that mean that I will have more wrinkles (as I age) on my left side? Maybe I should change it up a bit. I mean, I don't want to look like one of those people at the talent show who dresses up like a man on one side of their body and a woman on the other... But, I would be old on one side and young on the other. Maybe I should learn to sleep on my back... or upside down.
-My life is a mixture of rushing around and procrastination. Yes, I know I wouldn't have to rush around so much if I wouldn't procrastinate...
